Do you kindly think of your girl?
&
I BUZZ MY HAIR
&
GORGE/شق
AMINTA MEHERU
|
Do you kindly think of your girl? I. To combat light / I grow algae from my eyes, nose / in the way expected of toe nails or finger nails / clothed species grow from my inner dress / tend me / so that my limbs break in electives of dark / I sublimate to tend my smothering weeds / they subjugate me / keep me warm / my critical organisms form a natural group / all kinds of symbols possible / increasingly controlled expression and the ability to withstand varied temperatures / filamentous or planktonic beauties / all natural / bloomy greatcoats / stoic confidence with an epicurean look / very religious / living at my eyes, nose, mouth, obscuringly / I ask of my swimming arts / my coming and going fish / my scripted inhabitants / my fluids / can they hear my entity or am I just their country / I have a hard time sharing my separateness as I instantaneously believe in it deeply and deeply want not to / this is not my swamp / everything I have made looking back at me now / I protect myself with body / I am so superstitiously dreaming myself a heart / tissues, limbs / brothy drunk / flat fruited / superfluous and not of this earth / Even my fear is growing / even my cataclysmic / My algae observes itself / notes, “dead bugs, all of them” / “american fires” / “beautiful little guys” / “sums” / “fish” / “ghosts of coming and going” / “handsome witches” / “pollution junk” / “adrenal fruit” / “wet sounds i can barely parse” / “scrubs out my whole dreaming” / “your dam where each dark is a plucked drop moved on differently by light” / “nothing at all here is different” / I aggress my fluid / I care for my fluid / I houseplant my light with dark / I think about how to move around my fluid or as its aspect / I wonder what’s going on here? / Colluding / I try biting off a part of the light. / How the mouth will fail to clutch enough need / It has no taste or texture. It stands up all over me. Weeds search weeds / Touch: its very deepest sharks / going and coming endlessly / Touch: / I am sure I do not feel this / touch. / I ask the dangerous thing / "Do you kindly think of your girl? / Here or up there " / Once above water / I sold scallops crudo / prepared myself for public light though always with a healthy sense of dark around / because I’d been warned / “We try to make sure our daughters hang around plenty of darkness” / The hope is quite simply to float knowing hell is filthy / The divide resembles hot milk skin / I pose that all moisture is an extension of my fluids to a seminar of fish / I communicate in intervals of viscosity / in ways / in exaggerated textural representations of ways my body might move about water while going about my daily routine / “This is how I birth or create” / I receive unpleasant messages as language grows out from my softening body / I hear certain seas / in this sea I see my personal growth in the way expected of toe or finger nails and have to trim it / Of this sea I am certain / I just wriggle around / dancing out some huge dream of before seeming very dumb to me here / super saturated with the desire to communicate / wriggling / formless / a queer part / I proliferate / and everything I dream thereafter / displeases everyone / I multiply into / unknowns, predators / Everybody swims here / All of us believing we are separate and very fearful / not even sharing our separateness / I am born and born and born / and believe in it each time / My swamp is not my swamp at all / My sleep is not restful at all / Everything I have made looking back at me now |
II.
My dear heart s
dear bod ies
refract (light) I’s refract / I’s perceive difference
& perceive difference I’s perceive light or dark
Light is not dark
but mingles with darkness
nexus fractalized
many-faced or when faced with
not towards the light from it. I bide my tongue
of radical fears
Dark is not light but subsists on light I bite my time
that softly interrogates
I eat light
a bit of joy down here
a light meal
bellini & vieuxtemps I bit
lightface
kherulf and my sweaty limbs
( Not really sure where to emerge from this striking fear that violates my inward structure
clothed to nobody, I suddenly understand the deep fun demanded of a thing. Fun as a point of
emergence. A bit more fun - I start sneaking into hotel pools and tell no one. )
i buzz my hair
i contour my eyelids with disco
some song of my liver is an ancient song
some eczema mothers me with spots
some issues with processing sun strobe me crazy but
all night bud light
i blind test you with no control
i sweet my lids in aquaphor
i bud wisely
i fix my bored in the bathroom to do more
i smash a can on my symptom & flex
my flex looks hit song
my flex looks just like yesterday’s
my flex implicates a worried friend asks
“what kinds of nights are you having. days?” asks
“are you enough protein”
hilda’s tamale is a hit song & I protein
yes I hit the gym & yes I slap the gym
gym is my religion
& my skin erupts in prayer
i am feeling up to culture
i watch “The Lighthouse”
i watch “Harold and Maude”
i watch “Asparagus”
i watch “myself act”
i watch “a short film by a friend”
i wash some histories into my noise
maddog in the dark of my own performance
watch “Parasite” & conjure a “parasite”
i contour my eyelids with disco
some song of my liver is an ancient song
some eczema mothers me with spots
some issues with processing sun strobe me crazy but
all night bud light
i blind test you with no control
i sweet my lids in aquaphor
i bud wisely
i fix my bored in the bathroom to do more
i smash a can on my symptom & flex
my flex looks hit song
my flex looks just like yesterday’s
my flex implicates a worried friend asks
“what kinds of nights are you having. days?” asks
“are you enough protein”
hilda’s tamale is a hit song & I protein
yes I hit the gym & yes I slap the gym
gym is my religion
& my skin erupts in prayer
i am feeling up to culture
i watch “The Lighthouse”
i watch “Harold and Maude”
i watch “Asparagus”
i watch “myself act”
i watch “a short film by a friend”
i wash some histories into my noise
maddog in the dark of my own performance
watch “Parasite” & conjure a “parasite”
gorge/شق
when the punctum (folds) blurs to a point chasms for (love) & (into) everywhere, a muted
rattling stirs panic & incites proverbs for ages & ages. i see my flaws exit our spectacle, (a
variation of) coeur, heart, corazón, cabeza suave y ruidoso, craque, shams, al’shams majnun,
and say: this could be (good), this could be a true heart, even in the face of (sexual practices).
my ability to transform into a dark island at any moment drives you wild. folds love
fantasmatique. i can’t look as good as a catch. i can’t look as good as ses affres but can try to
mean a little harder. i mean a little harder. my hands are in my word. i stoicize but signify me
slow songs & everything will move
when the punctum (folds) blurs to a point chasms for (love) & (into) everywhere, a muted
rattling stirs panic & incites proverbs for ages & ages. i see my flaws exit our spectacle, (a
variation of) coeur, heart, corazón, cabeza suave y ruidoso, craque, shams, al’shams majnun,
and say: this could be (good), this could be a true heart, even in the face of (sexual practices).
my ability to transform into a dark island at any moment drives you wild. folds love
fantasmatique. i can’t look as good as a catch. i can’t look as good as ses affres but can try to
mean a little harder. i mean a little harder. my hands are in my word. i stoicize but signify me
slow songs & everything will move
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To "kaleidoscope" means to come & go as an aspect. /// Aminta Meheru (they/them) is interested in gaps and in writing in gaps. |