KALEIDOSCOPED
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Do you kindly think of your girl? 
&
I BUZZ MY HAIR
&
GORGE/شق

AMINTA MEHERU

​
Do you kindly think of your girl?

I.

To combat light / I grow algae from my eyes, nose / in the way expected of toe nails or finger
nails  /  clothed  species  grow  from  my  inner  dress  /  tend  me  /  so  that my limbs break in
electives of dark / I sublimate to tend my smothering weeds / they  subjugate  me  /  keep  me
warm   /   my   critical   organisms  form  a  natural  group  /  all  kinds  of  symbols  possible  /
increasingly  controlled  expression  and  the  ability   to   withstand   varied   temperatures   /
filamentous or planktonic beauties / all natural / bloomy greatcoats / stoic confidence with an
epicurean  look  /  very  religious  /  living  at  my  eyes,  nose,  mouth, obscuringly / I ask of my
swimming arts / my coming and going fish / my scripted inhabitants  /  my  fluids  /  can  they
hear  my  entity  or  am  I  just their country / I have a hard time sharing my separateness as I
instantaneously  believe  in  it  deeply  and   deeply  want  not  to  /  this  is  not  my  swamp  /
everything  I  have  made  looking  back  at  me  now  /  I  protect  myself  with  body / I am so
superstitiously  dreaming  myself  a  heart  /  tissues, limbs  /  brothy  drunk   /   flat   fruited   /
superfluous  and not of this earth / Even my fear is growing / even my cataclysmic / My algae
observes itself / notes, “dead bugs, all of them”  /  “american  fires”  /  “beautiful  little  guys”  /
“sums”  /  “fish”  /  “ghosts  of  coming  and  going”  /  “handsome  witches”  / “pollution junk” /
“adrenal fruit” / “wet sounds i can barely parse” /  “scrubs  out  my  whole  dreaming”  /  “your
dam where each dark is a plucked drop moved on differently by light” / “nothing at all here is
different”  /  I  aggress  my  fluid  /  I care for my fluid / I houseplant my light with dark / I think
about how to move around my fluid  or  as  its  aspect  /  I  wonder  what’s  going  on  here?  /
Colluding  /  I  try biting off a part of the light. / How the mouth will fail to clutch enough need
/ It has no taste or texture. It stands up all over me.  Weeds  search  weeds  /  Touch:  its  very
deepest  sharks  /  going and coming endlessly / Touch: / I am sure I do not feel this / touch. / I
ask the dangerous thing / "Do you kindly think of your girl? / Here or up there " /

Once  above  water  /  I  sold  scallops  crudo / prepared myself for public light though always
with a healthy sense of dark around / because I’d been warned / “We  try  to  make  sure  our
daughters hang around plenty of darkness” / The hope is quite simply to float knowing hell is
filthy  /  The  divide  resembles  hot  milk  skin  /  I  pose that all moisture is an extension of my
fluids to a seminar of fish / I communicate in intervals of viscosity / in ways /  in  exaggerated
textural  representations  of  ways  my  body  might move about water while going about my
daily routine / “This is how I birth or create”  /  I  receive  unpleasant  messages  as  language
grows out from my softening body / I hear certain seas / in this sea I see my personal growth
in  the  way  expected of toe or finger nails and have to trim it / Of this sea I am certain / I just
wriggle around / dancing out some huge dream of before seeming very  dumb  to  me  here  /
super  saturated  with  the  desire  to  communicate  /  wriggling  /  formless  /  a queer part / I
proliferate  /  and  everything  I  dream   thereafter  /  displeases  everyone  /  I  multiply  into  /
unknowns,  predators  / Everybody swims here / All of us believing we are separate and very
fearful / not even sharing our separateness / I am born and born and born / and  believe  in  it
each  time  /  My  swamp  is  not  my swamp at all / My sleep is not restful at all / Everything I
have made looking back at me now

​
II.

My dear heart               s
dear bod                        ies
refract (light)                                                   I’s refract / I’s perceive difference
& perceive                     difference                 I’s perceive light or dark
Light is not           dark
but mingles with darkness
                              nexus                                  fractalized
                              many-faced                       or when faced with
not towards the light                from it.         I bide my tongue
                             of radical fears
Dark is not light but subsists on light          I bite my time
                             that softly interrogates
I eat                                                 light
a bit of joy down here
a light meal
bellini & vieuxtemps                                        I bit
lightface
kherulf and my             sweaty limbs

( Not really sure where to emerge from this striking fear that violates my inward structure
clothed to nobody, I suddenly understand the deep fun demanded of a thing. Fun as a point of
emergence. A bit more fun - I start sneaking into hotel pools and tell no one. )

i buzz my hair
i contour my eyelids with disco
some song of my liver is an ancient song
some eczema mothers me with spots
some issues with processing sun strobe me crazy but
all             night             bud             light
i blind test you with no control
i sweet my lids in aquaphor
i bud wisely
i fix my bored in the bathroom to do more
i smash a can on my symptom & flex
my flex looks hit song
my flex looks just like yesterday’s
my flex implicates a worried friend asks
“what kinds of nights are you having. days?” asks
“are you enough protein”
hilda’s tamale is a hit song & I protein
yes I hit the gym & yes I slap the gym
gym is my religion
& my skin erupts in prayer
i am feeling up to culture
i watch “The Lighthouse”
i watch “Harold and Maude”
i watch “Asparagus”
i watch “myself act”
i watch “a short film by a friend”
i wash some histories into my noise
maddog in the dark of my own performance
watch “Parasite” & conjure a “parasite”

gorge/شق

when the punctum (folds) blurs to a point chasms for (love) & (into) everywhere, a muted
rattling stirs panic & incites proverbs for ages & ages. i see my flaws exit our spectacle, (a
variation of) coeur, heart, corazón, cabeza suave y ruidoso, craque, shams, al’shams majnun,
and say: this could be (good), this could be a true heart, even in the face of (sexual practices).
my ability to transform into a dark island at any moment drives you wild. folds love
fantasmatique. i can’t look as good as a catch. i can’t look as good as ses affres but can try to
mean a little harder. i mean a little harder. my hands are in my word. i stoicize but signify me
slow songs & everything will move

Picture

To "kaleidoscope" means to come & go as an aspect.
///

Aminta Meheru (they/them) is interested in gaps and in writing in gaps.
 
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